Being quite a self-judgemental person myself, ‘positive self-talk’ initially sounded to me like some form of naïve, fake positivity.
Like the sprinkles you put on top of the cake to make it seemingly pretty, even if it tastes like sh*t.
An ‘it’s all good because you’re the best’ attitude seems ridiculous if you don’t put in the effort. And for me, putting in the effort entailed focusing on what wasn’t going right, and starting to fix it.
But I was wrong.
This strategy usually worked well for me (mainly because of my upbringing, of course), until I realised that negativity is now the main lens through which I judge my actions and words. The assertive, critical and perfectionist voice in my had was haunting my brain and altering my self-perception even in times when I had frankly done well.
I came across a recent article showing that between 1978 and 2020, the term ‘self-talk’ was found in 559 academic articles. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one thinking about the topic, so I thought to dig deeper in research and see what the words we feed to ourselves deliver.
What is self-talk?
Now, before you think I should go back to the funny farm, let’s set some definitions for ‘self-talk’.
As the term suggests, ‘self-talk’ depicts the activity of talking to oneself either out loud or in silence. The idea dates back to Ancient Greeks (as most things, at least in writing) — Plato is believed to be the first to explore the notion of the ‘internal dialogue’.
He believed that the human soul had three parts: reason (logos), spirit (thymos), and desire (epithymia). Plato viewed conscious thought as the “dialogue of the soul with itself”. A dialogue that helps bring balance between the three pillars of the soul. The rational part of the soul, represented by logos, engages in introspection, critical thinking, and the pursuit of wisdom.
While Plato didn’t explicitly delve into how inner speech shapes our perception as modern psychology does, his writings contain elements that resonate with these ideas.
Contemporary scholars often refer to that concept as the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, also known as linguistic relativity or linguistic determinism. This theory is based on linguistic anthropology and cognitive science and suggests that the language we speak can shape and influence our thoughts, perceptions, and even our worldviews.
There are two main versions of this hypothesis: weak version and strong version called linguistic relativity and linguistic determinism respectively.
While the weak version suggests that language influences our thoughts and perceptions, but is not all that shapes our cognition, the deterministic version of the hypothesis implies a more powerful role for language in shaping cognition, suggesting that language can act as a cognitive straitjacket.
Linguistic determinists also believe that if a language lacks a word for a concept, it could be challenging or even impossible for speakers of that language to conceive of that concept.
Presence of positive self-talk => improved performance
We know well that words directly impact our thoughts.
Perhaps that’s why an ocean of motivational speakers, personal development coaches, and spiritually woke gurus has emerged in the past ~20 years. People who teach you how to speak to yourself, how to build up healthy self-esteem, and how to approach important life milestones.
But I wanted to find the roots in science and give you some specific examples of how these internal dialogues can drive results in real life.
For athletes, self-talk isn’t just chatter; it’s a driving force that fuels motivation and elevates technical performance.
A study from 2011 on tennis players included two groups — one that said motivational things to themselves before training, and then spent time afterwards for reflection and feedback on the game; and another that didn’t do any of the two. The study confirmed the performance and concentration scores of the self-talk group improved, while the scores from the control group remained unchanged.
Another 2020 research found that besides improving their physical performance, positive self-talk can also help athletes stay engaged in the game, have fun and develop greater confidence.
Same goes for students — a 2019 study confirmed that students who recited a self-affirming statement before class presentations scored less in anxiety compared to those who didn’t.
Additionally, students with learning disabilities (LD) showed improved results in task completion in an academic environment when self-talk strategies were involved — task completion, engagement, and task accuracy were all increased when positive self-monitoring practices were involved.
Here are some examples of the types of positive self-talk involved in the latter study, just to give you a sense of what has worked:
“ I’ve learned how to do this before.”
“I’m so proud of myself for finishing that question.”
“This looks hard, but I’m going to try my best.”
Many people rely on the absolute opposite approach when entertaining inner discussions. We say things like ‘I’ll never be able to do that’ and ‘I don’t know if it’s even worth it to try’. We aim to motivate our children by telling them they can do better, and by comparing other children’s achievements to theirs.
Truth is, they most certainly can do better. But word choice is integral to the associations we create in our brains, and many children suffer from low self-esteem later in adulthood because of that.
Studying positive and negative self-talk beyond performance
Self-talk has been studied by psychologists and neuroscientists for a while now.
We have to be mindful of the existing difficulties in researching self-talk, as many of the studies involve self-reported data from participants which isn’t always the most reliable and noise-free source, however, the results from the studies below are still more than hopeful.
I took a moment and summarised some findings from the past decade that suggest a strong link between one’s attitude towards oneself and their overall self and relationship satisfaction:
- Individuals with low self-compassion often faced negative mental health effects connected to low self-esteem and poor body image perception, as shown by Marshall, Parker, Ciarrochi, Sahdra, Jackson, and Heaven in 2015.
- A study conducted in 2012 revealed that girls who initially reported high levels of body dissatisfaction experienced improvements in self-esteem through the practice of positive self-affirmations
- In a study from 2011, Lambert and Fincham explored how self-affirmations and positive self-talk can improve relationship satisfaction. Their findings suggested that individuals who engaged in self-affirmations tended to experience higher relationship satisfaction and better communication with their partners.
- Conversely, research by Campbell and Simpson in 2010 examined how negative self-talk, particularly during conflicts, can impact relationships. They found that individuals who engaged in negative self-talk during arguments were more likely to experience relationship distress.
It’s obviously not about being stupidly happy and positive all the time. No one can be. It’s about acknowledging when you have to be proud of yourself, it’s about looking in the mirror and saying “You did great” when you’ve actually done great.
In a society that sometimes fosters self-doubt, understanding the significance of self-talk can empower us to break free from the shackles of negativity and embark on a journey toward self-improvement and well-being. The conversations we have with ourselves might just be the most important ones of all.
Just twist the perspective — the sunny side up! If the words “I will never be able to achieve this” ever pop up in your head, rephrase them to “I’ll do my best to achieve this”.
And you probably will.
